Pain
by AsparagusZeTurkey
Summary: Severus is going through depression, Sirius finds him, and helps as best he can as a fluffy dog. Rated T for emoness and language. Used to be a oneshot and complete, but the voices told me to continue. Songfic, each chapter a different song. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Pain by Three Days Grace

This is my first songfic, so be nice please! If you really do want to flame, then by all means. I'd just rather you didn't. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plottyness. JKR has Severus and Sirius, and the briefly mentioned other Marauders. Three Days Grace owns the awesome song 'Pain'.

I hope you like this. It was an idea that popped into my head and won't just go away...so I typed it up in order to be able to concentrate on my other fanfic. Anyhoo...

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Pain, Without love 

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

_Severus sat against a tree, deep in the forbidden forest. The other inhabitants from within the trees had long since learned to stay away from him. He'd come here so often, and more than usual as of late. For once, his sweltering cloak and shirt were off, balled up and thrown into a heap a few feet away, leaving a loose white cotton shirt on his normally pale flesh. The long sleeves were rolled up past his elbows. Farther down his arm were huge gashes, the result of a few hours' cutting. In his left hand he loosely held a sharp knife, the other arm he had rested across his leg. It was bleeding from the work of the knife; cuts that had been produced by a practiced hand._

_Severus stared off into space, feeling more depressed than he ever had. Today he'd called Lily a mudblood. It hadn't been intentional, as he'd tried to explain later. It had just sort of slipped out, and now he regretted it infinitely. Lily refused to talk to him for the rest of the day, and that night, he'd finally cornered her and tried to apologize. She wouldn't listen to him. It was like being slapped in the face…it was painful. She no longer cared for him. She no longer loved him. On top of that, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had picked up on his unhappy vibes and had decided to help by humiliating him further. The memory shone brightly in Severus' mind. He pulled himself out of his trance and examined his handiwork carefully._

_Never had he contemplated suicide before, even when cutting. He'd always been cautious not to go too far, but tonight the physical pain was feeling so much better than the emotional feelings inside of him. A strange thought came into Severus' mind. He loved Lily. As a friend, and then some. She'd been the only one to talk to him, to understand. Now he had no one. No love, no friends, no family, no nothing. Grasping his knife firmly in his hand, he sliced the flesh on his wrist open again hard and fast, hissing in pain and relish as the blood started to flow out of the fresh wound. It felt good and he did it again, letting some of his emotional pain be swept away by the sweet, sickly smell of blood and by the equally sick and sweet pain. Severus wanted to feel that pain. Without Lily, he felt empty and numb. He was alone, and he needed to feel something._

You're sick of feeling numb

You're not the only one

I'll take you by the hand

And I'll show you a world you can understand

_Sirius prowled through the undergrowth, looking for the others. He'd lost them earlier when Moony had taken off running and howling, with he, James, and Peter in hot pursuit. Peter and James easily matched Remus' gait, but as a big fuzzy dog, Sirius grew fatigued quicker than the others, and he wasn't as nimble as them either. James could prance around and leap high, being a stag, over objects, and Peter could scurry around or under them as a rat, leaving Sirius in between, having to scramble under or over the obstacles. One of the things that saddened him was that after a long while, the others wouldn't try find or contact him at all. Just as he was about to give up and turn back towards the school and call it a night, a scent caught his sensitive nose. He remembered it from the time Prongs broke one of his antlers off trying to fit between two close trees. Blood._

_Sirius paused, cocking an ear, trying to hear something, and heard an odd sound. It was like muffled crying. Curiosity aroused, Sirius followed the sounds and smells carried on the wind. What he saw shocked him. A few yards away from him, sitting quite alone, was Severus. He was covered in blood, and was quietly sobbing, clear tears mingling with red blood. Sirius wondered if he had had any part in this cutting session of Severus', but his contemplation stopped as he looked at the fifth year before him._

_It was a side of Severus that Padfoot had never seen before, nor did he even know he had. Severus struck Sirius as the silent and strong type, not an emotional wreck. Just then, Severus noticed Sirius, and although he didn't know it was Sirius, he did know that it was a big, black, dog. Severus hated dogs. The ones in his neighborhood all had attacked him at one point or another. His grip tightened on the knife and he threw a rock at Sirius to try and make him go away. "Get out of here, dog." He whispered hoarsely, another tear falling down his face. No, it's okay, Sirius thought, I'm not a mean dog. It's okay._

This life is filled with hurt

When happiness doesn't work

Trust me and take my hand

When the lights go out you'll understand

_After thinking that, Sirius was glad he couldn't speak and that Severus couldn't read minds, for what he'd just thought wasn't really true. He'd always been horrible to Severus. Now he felt guilty for the role he'd played in Severus' depression and pain, and he felt obligated to help. Trying to remember what dogs did when they were friendly, Sirius smiled in that way that only dogs can smile, and wagged his tail from side to side. See? He thought, I'll be nice._

_Severus watched Sirius warily. It could be waiting for him to die so it could eat him. Or maybe it just wanted to kill him itself. Either way was fine with Severus. He was sick of living. There was nothing for him. No one. The pain and hurt that he felt was too much. Severus looked away from the dog, and gazed through the trees at nothing in particular, just waiting for the dog to do something._

_Come on, Sirius thought, trust me. It's okay…I want to help you. Sirius padded forwards a few steps, but he saw Severus' grip on the knife tighten even more. He quickly stepped backwards, making sure to be out of harm's reach. Severus turned his gaze to the dog and laughed bitterly. "It's okay, pooch. I'm not going to attack you." As he finished his sentence, he placed the knife on his skin, and cut one of the deepest gashes he'd ever made. Severus stared down at the blood pouring out of his furiously pumping veins. He acted completely calm, but in his eyes were his darkest secrets. In Severus' eyes, Sirius could see pain, sorrow, and anger, but the thing that stood out most was a trapped soul, screaming as loud as it could to try to escape from it's tormenting hell._

_Suddenly, Severus noticed he felt really light-headed. Reaching up groggily, he touched his head and the world spun crazily. The same spinning world grew black around the edges. Severus heard the dog come nearer, and although he hated dogs, he instinctively reached out for it._

_Sirius stretched out his muzzle and pressed his nose against Severus' palm, and then licked it. It seemed to partially reassure the half-conscious Severus, right before the dark haired, pale boy pitched forwards, giving Sirius just enough time to bound forward and slip underneath him to keep him from hitting the ground. Instead, Severus landed on soft, fluffy dog fur._

Pain, Without love

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

_He could see Lily clearly, standing before him. "No, Sev. I can't forgive you for what you did. I won't forgive you. It might just be a stupid word to you, but it hurt me here." Lily placed her hand over her heart, and looked down at the floor, silent tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes, before she turned and disappeared through the portal into her common room._

_He was so alone now, now that Lily had deserted him, right when he needed her the most. The words kept echoing in his head. She doesn't care…she doesn't love me…she doesn't care…_

_He saw himself sitting against a tree, softly crying and turning the emotional hurt into physical mutilation. He sliced hard and fast, with no mercy for his health, or for himself. To be able to cut, he had learned, you had to not fear pain. No, it was loss and hopelessness that he felt, overwhelming depression, and it was the fear of being alone forever that tormented his mind._

Pain, Without love

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

_Sirius stared at the boy lying next to him. So much pain, Sirius thought, How long has he kept it bottled up like this? The Severus he saw now was nothing like the one that yelled defiant insults back at him in the hall, or the one that brewed dangerous and dark potions. This Severus was just a little boy; hurt, alone, afraid, and he'd been betrayed by everyone he cared about. Sirius remembered gossip that he'd heard from others about Severus. That his mother had died early on, that his father hated him and drank too much. And now, he realized, Severus' best and only friend, Lily had left him too. Bloody hell, he'd mocked and laughed at Severus earlier today, when he was going through with that? Sirius hated himself. Even Slytherins wouldn't sink that low. But, a reasoning voice in his head said, it's not your fault Severus is doing this. He chose this. And you didn't know how unhappy Snape was…how could you? But still…he felt horrible for the part he'd played in Severus' inner turmoil and pain._

Anger and agony

Are better than misery

Trust me I've got a plan

When the lights go up you'll understand

_Severus felt completely at peace, wherever he was, deep within his own mind, shielded from the torture he had wreaked upon himself. Contemplation was in order, and Severus decided that letting loose his anger was better than being miserable forever. Do it all at once in a huge game of chance, and never have to deal with the pain again. Though, that wasn't really true…was it?_

_Something penetrated his blissful peacefulness. That something was wet…Severus slowly opened his eyes to see the dog crouched next to him, licking his uninjured hand, and with its eyes latched onto Severus'. Sirius wagged his tail again and whined softly. Severus slowly sat up and tentatively reached out towards Sirius. The Animagus waited until Severus' hand was almost at his head, and then stretched out his head to press against his hand. Instantly, Severus flinched, but recovered quickly, reaching out again and patting the large black dog. He pulled away again, and pulled out his wand. Sirius again, immediately took a few steps backwards._

"_No…It's okay…Don't go." Severus said quickly, sounding close to desperate. Sirius wagged his tail, and sat down on his haunches. Severus stared at the black dog, perplexed, and then cast some healing charms on his arms, enough to at least stop the bleeding._

"_You know…for a bit I thought you were the Grin…or whatever Trelawney calls it." Severus muttered, half to himself. He was of course referring to the omen of death or doom, called the Grim. Sirius smirked mentally. The grin… He thought sarcastically, how classic. Severus was talking again, and Sirius snapped back into reality and paid attention to what he was saying._

"_Say pooch, do you mind if I talked to you for a while? Maybe Dumbledore's right…maybe it's better to talk about your feelings and shit instead of using a knife." To Severus' amazement, the dog again looked at him in the eye and nodded three times. Severus stared at it. "You do mind?" Snuffles shook his head 'no' vigorously. No! I meant go ahead and talk! He thought. Severus nodded, "So you don't mind, yes?" Again, Sirius nodded his concurrence._

Pain, Without love

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

_Sirius listened with rapt attention as Severus started talking to him, completely unaware that the dog he was spilling his darkest secrets to was, in fact, one of his least favorite people. Still, Sirius sat by the Slytherin's side, well into the early hours of the morning, as Severus basically told the canine his life story, and how unhappy he felt about it all. The worst parts, Sirius was certain, was the venom and hate in which Severus described him, Sirius, and his best mates James, Remus, and Peter. But that was before Severus got to the topic of Lily._

Pain, Without love

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing

Rather feel pain

_Never had Sirius seen Severus this emotional; he'd never really stopped and thought about the fact that Severus, cold little bastard that he was, was still human. The real shocker came when Severus started to cry again. It started slowly at first, but then grew into a torrent of pent up despair and sadness. Sirius was speechless. No one had ever cried this hard in the entire cosmos; of that Sirius was damn near certain._

(I know I know I know I know) I know that you're wounded

(You know you know you know) You know that I'm here to save you

(You know you know you know) You know I'm always here for you

(I know I know I know I know) That you'll thank me later

_What the hell do you do in a situation like this? Sirius wondered, cocking his head and surveying the sobbing fifth year Slytherin in front of him. It's not like I can hug him…besides, he's my enemy. I shouldn't even BE here. _

_But you are. Said that annoying little voice in the back of Sirius' mind. He'd be damned if it got the best of him. Sirius slowly stood up and padded the short distance to Severus. Reaching out, he touched Severus on the forehead with a wet and cold doggie nose. Severus flinched away, yet again, and then looked up at Sirius with a red-eyed, tear streaked face. Sirius made an odd whining noise and sat down next to Severus._

_This time, without hesitation, Severus threw his arms around Sirius and pulled the dog into a huge and tight hug, refusing to let go for a long while as he continued to sob. Sirius put up with it. He would do this one thing for Severus, and comfort him. At least, in the best way he could. Sirius gazed down at his enemy and classmate, and wagged his tail briefly._

Pain, Without love

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

_Severus eventually cried all of his tears out, and when he finally let go of Sirius, the fuzzy mongrel felt extremely lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. Sirius' tounge was lolling out of his mouth, and he barked once to Severus, looking back towards the castle. Severus wiped his cheek with a sleeve, and followed Sirius' gaze. "I need to head back…" He said, standing up. Sirius copied his action, and Severus spelled the blood off of him, and put his long and thick cloak back on. Retrieving his bag from a nearby bush, he gave Sirius one more big hug, which was completely uncharacteristic of him. "Thanks." Severus whispered into Sirius' ear. With that, Severus stood and headed back to the school, leaving a confused black dog behind._

Pain, Without love

Pain, Can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

_After that day when Sirius found Severus having a mental and emotional field trip, he constantly checked the Marauder's Map every afternoon and night, to make sure that he wouldn't do something stupid again. Despite all the crap that had happened between them, Sirius felt more responsible for Severus. He had no clue why. Maybe it was something akin to what a big brother felt._

_It wasn't until about a month after the 'map checking escapade' did Sirius notice a little dot labeled 'Severus Snape' leaving his dormitories after curfew. Quickly, Sirius requested permission to use James' invisibility cloak, which was given. Before James or the others even had a chance to ask why, Sirius had thrown the cloak on, grabbed the map from the table he'd had it spread out on, and had rushed out of the door._

_-----_

_Severus walked slowly towards his usual spot in the Forbidden Forest, where he went to be alone. He felt depressed again. Not as bad as before, but it was enough to make him come out here, so it was bad to some degree. He figured his knife was still lying around there somewhere, since he forgot to take it back the last time. If it wasn't, he had his wand._

_And then, there was the same black dog, sitting right in the middle of the faint track upon which Severus was walking. Smiling genuinely, for the first time in months, Severus greeted the dog, who responded with an enthusiastic bark._

Rather feel pain than nothing at all

Rather feel pain

_Sirius might have won over Severus' trust while being an Animagus, but during the school day, Sirius and Severus hated each other as much as they used to, or at least Severus did. After having 'talked' or rather, listened, to Severus, Sirius couldn't bring himself to do some things. He didn't throw insults like he used to, and he didn't join in on the Marauder's pranks as often. Not enough for anyone but Severus to notice. Severus would tell Sirius later on about "Black's hormonal mood swings," and Sirius would feel even worse about the predicament._

_It became an almost nightly thing. Sirius would check the map, and if he saw Severus leaving, would rush downstairs to meet him, but only showed his face when he was an Animagus. He knew it was important for Severus. And in a way, it helped Sirius deal with his own problems, even if they weren't nearly as dramatic and depressing as Severus'._

_But still he couldn't bring himself to tell Severus who the black dog he talked to really was. It was better if he didn't know. But at the same time, it drove Sirius crazy, and hurt him, like a constant throbbing pain in his gut._

_And Severus still felt unhappy a lot of the time, and only Sirius knew in infinite detail why he did, but Severus didn't know that. To him, that big fuzzy black dog waiting in the woods for him wasn't a Grim at all, but a companion, and a good friend. Severus regretted not being able to go everywhere with the dog, it was like a constant pressure on his chest, knowing the dog could be waiting for him, when in reality, the dog was really sitting a few desk lengths away from him._

_But that is life._

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A.N.: Maybe if people like this, I could continue it or something...I dunno. Your call! 


	2. Chapter 2:The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars

Just to let everyone know ahead of time...It's going to be a bit inbetween these chapters because of the song factor thingy. Suggestions and ideas are welcome and will be used! ...Well...MOST ideas and suggestions...

...I get the feeling that Paddy and Sev might end up being gay by the time this is through...how would this make you feel? Please tell me!!

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What if I wanted to break?  
Laugh it all off in your face.  
What would you do?  
What if I fell to the floor,  
Couldn't take all this anymore?  
What would you do, do, do? 

_He couldn't do this anymore. It was just too much. Sirius sighed, and tried to focus on his homework, but to no avail. Sitting a few tables away was Severus, and Sirius couldn't help but be distracted by his presence. Severus still didn't know his dog friend's true identity, but they had bonded so closely that Sirius could detect his scent long before he saw him in the halls. Being in his animagus form more often than just at the full moon, Sirius found that dog-like habits were starting to show in his normal school routine. He ate more with his hands as of late instead of using a fork, and he found he enjoyed gnawing on the bones from his chicken legs at dinner. When his head itched, he attacked it viciously, and canine-like. It made James, Remus and Peter fall to pieces laughing when Sirius one day sniffed his pumpkin juice before drinking it._

_Sirius rested his head on the table and sighed again. At times Sirius felt like screaming the truth to Severus, and at other times felt like bursting into laughter at random intervals. He had done that on several occasions actually. One time he was turning in his essay to Professor McGonagall, and upon seeing a book authored by a M. C. Snifflet sitting on her desk, had started laughing so hard he fell over. The reason being was that Severus had decided that he couldn't keep calling Sirius 'dog' or 'pooch'. So, he had chosen a name for Sirius, which ended up being 'Snuffles'. Severus only meant it as a joke, but much to Sirius' disgust, it had stuck anyways. The author's name reminded him of his newly acquired name, and it just struck Sirius' funny bone._

_A new thought came into Sirius' mind, and he contemplated it for a long time. What would Severus do if I told him who Snuffles really was? What would he say? Would he believe me? Would he hate me? In a bout of angst-ness, Sirius whacked his head against the table. Severus looked up, and raised an eyebrow at Sirius, but didn't say anything._

Come break me down,  
Bury me, bury me.  
I am finished with you.

_Maybe I should just stop going down to the forest to visit with Severus, Sirius thought. It would be better for both of us that way. He nodded to himself, but knew he wasn't fooling anybody. Sirius might have been able to get into his current predicament unscathed and get back out the same way, but Severus couldn't. Sirius was sure that if he left Severus that the boy would go back to cutting or even worse, might go all the way and commit suicide._

_Sirius noticed that Severus was still staring at him. Sirius raised an eyebrow in return, "What?" He asked. Severus didn't reply at all but stared at him a few moments longer before slipping his things into his bag and exiting the library. Sirius stared after him, slightly annoyed. He raised his hand to his head in the shape of a gun and then jerked it, giving the impression of shooting himself. He slouched backwards in his chair and stared at the ceiling. "Now what?" He wondered aloud. "What do I do?"_

What if I wanted to fight?  
Beg for the rest of my life?  
What would you do, do, do?  
You say you wanted more,  
What are you waiting for?  
I'm not running from you.

_Severus once again found himself in much worse than horrible company. James and his buddies had decided to stop and say hi on their way in from break. Severus backed as far into the corner as he could and tried to find a way away from them. James came and put his arm around Severus' shoulders. "Don't look so worried, mate. We just wanna hang out for a while." At this one of them levitated Severus up into the air. "Leave me alone." He said quietly, wishing that for once he could get to Herbology without a fight with the Marauders._

_Severus' tormentors laughed, and cancelled their levitation spell, allowing Severus to fall heavily to the ground. They stayed for a few more minutes and then left him, strolling off to Herbology. Severus cursed out to the air and gingerly stood; he'd twisted his ankle from the fall that was James' plotting, and was also sporting a black eye from Peter, and a strange burning sensation on his arm from where Remus had hexed him._

Come break me down,  
Bury me, bury me.  
I am finished with you.  
Look in my eyes,  
You're killing me, killing me.  
All I wanted was you!

_Hobbling to Transfiguration the next day, Severus once again encountered the merry band of Gryffindors, but thankfully, all they did was trip him and rip his bag open so all of his papers could be scattered across the hallway. He was in the midst of picking the said papers and smashed inkwells up, when someone crouched down next to him and helped to pick it all up. He didn't really think anything of it, nor did he bother to even glance at the person until everything was back in a freshly repaired bag. Severus turned to his classmate to thank him for helping, but the thanks died on his lips as he recognized Sirius standing there, looking extremely uncomfortable._

"_Black…" He managed. Sirius didn't say anything, but gave him a small smile before heading into his D. A. D. A. class, leaving a shocked, speechless, and late Severus to limp to Transfigurations. A NICE Sirius Black? Severus thought. Great…the apocalypse must finally be here. "Now what?" He muttered, "What do I do?" The answer was obvious to Severus, unlike it was to Sirius. He would discuss this new change in Sirius with Snuffles, later that evening. Come to think of it, that smile of Sirius' looked strangely familiar…but Severus couldn't quite place where it was from that he'd seen it before._

I tried to be someone else,  
But nothing seemed to change.  
I know now, this is who I really am inside.  
Finally found myself,  
Fighting for a chance.  
I know now, this is who I really am.

_That worked extremely well. Sirius thought sarcastically, later that evening. He was poring over the Marauder's Map, pretending to be looking for his latest girlfriend, but he was really just keeping an eye on the Severus dot down in the Slytherin Common Room. Sirius yawned and glanced at the mantelpiece clock. If Severus didn't leave in five minutes, he wasn't going._

_It was strange…listening about yourself from someone else's perspective. It really gave you insight into your life. How other people saw your actions, how your words affected other people. And yet…it was kind of depressing too. Sirius listened to Severus cursing his most hated enemy and his best friend, and he couldn't tell Severus that. However, his discussions, or rather one-sided conversations with Severus did tell him one thing. Sirius would rather be more like his animagus form and be nice all the time, than play along with the double sided life he was currently leading._

Come break me down,  
Bury me, bury me.  
I am finished with you, you, you.  
Look in my eyes,  
You're killing me, killing me.  
All I wanted was you!

_Sirius had looked at it from almost every angle he could think of. Not telling Severus who Snuffles was would hurt Sirius badly…he wasn't sure how long it would be before he snapped. Telling him was also out of the question. Severus wouldn't believe him, and if he did accept Sirius' words, then both of them would be caused pain. Telling Severus in a note was an option, but Severus would interpret it as a sick joke of someone's and dismiss it. Which only left one option that Sirius could think of. Let Severus find out on his own. Sirius could bring him their book on Animaguses…it was upstairs in his trunk. That might plant a seed of curiosity and doubt into Severus' mind, and it would only be a matter of time before he would test his recently found knowledge._

Come break me down,  
Break me down.  
Break me down,  
What if I wanted to break?  
Bury me, bury me.  
What if I, What if I,  
What if I, What if I.  
Bury me, bury me.

_Sirius raced downstairs and out the double oak doors underneath the invisibility cloak just as Severus emerged from the top of the stairs leading up from the dungeons. Sirius hid the Map and the Cloak in his usual spot and transformed into a dog. He sat down on the path that was now all too familiar to him, and waited for Severus._

_Even though he was about to begin leading Severus towards the truth, the normal feeling of excitement and anticipation blossomed in Sirius' soul as he watched Severus hurry towards him. Sirius leapt up and jumped up on Severus, planting two large, black, fuzzy paws on his chest. Severus greeted 'Snuffles' just as enthusiastically, and Sirius chased his tail in a small circle, unable to contain his dog-like happiness._

_Only a dog can be happy to see their enemy emerging from the darkness, and only a dog doesn't care about the fact that their enemy is, well...an enemy. _

* * *

I'm also going to really really try to stick to the story line laid out by Joanne, but if I stray (which I probably will), please don't hate me. 


	3. Chapter 3: I'm With You by Avril Lavigne

Sadness replaced by...something else!! I feel a lot better now that I've had time to adjust. Thanks to everyone for being so patient. I know it's been a long time. And guess what? I've got TWO chapters written! That means this one and one more for you to read! YAAY!

Hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Sirius or Severus or anyone else. Wish I did. The song is 'I'm With You', by Avril Lavigne. Wish I was her too. XD

* * *

I'm standing on the bridge,

I'm waiting in the dark.

I thought that you'd be here, by now.

There's nothing but the rain,

No footsteps on the ground.

I'm listening but there's, no sound.

_Severus stood waiting in their usual spot. The small clearing was as familiar to him as the back of his hand. But something was wrong tonight. Snuffles hadn't shown up yet. Where DID that dog get to? Severus wondered, as he turned around in a slow circle, scanning the undergrowth for the signs of his presence. He glanced down at the small book he had in his hands. It was about Animagi, or, wizards that could transform into animals at will._

_It started to rain...Severus could feel the droplets gently splashing into oblivion on his head. Irritably, he pulled the hood of his cloak up to prevent more water droplets coming in contact with him. He HATED rain. Loathed it even. Why tonight? He silently wondered. For tonight, he was going to test something…if Snuffles was okay with it. Severus didn't care what kind of thoughts the book had put into his mind, but he wasn't going to hex his friend unless he had his consent._

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home?

_Stupid book. Snuffles was either up to something, or trying to tell Severus something. Either way, the something involved didn't seem to be very good. From Severus' new knowledge, he was curious to see if Snuffles truly was what the book implied. It said that the animagus kept all of his human qualities and memories and such when they turned into their animal form. Likewise, all the memories and qualities from when they were an animal were kept when they turned back, but the qualities wore off after a while. For instance, an animagus might be strangely addicted to string in the first hour or so of their transformation of a cat, if they'd been a cat for a long enough amount of time. It told Severus that the wizard could transform at will into an animal, but always the same one. It also said that they had to be registered animagi. Severus went to the library multiple times to check the roster of wizard Animaguses, but there was no one on there that were close enough to visit him every night, and no one he recognized. Actually, there was one that fit the requirements, but Professor McGonagall was a cat, for one, and two, she wouldn't allow or waste her time hanging out with a young, troubled wizard. So if Snuffles was an animagus, then he was unregistered and illegal._

_Which led to the question, was Snuffles really a wizard? And did that wizard really care about him or did they just want to be horrible to him? Severus hoped for the former, and was backed up by the fact that Snuffles had given him the book. If someone wanted to play a trick on him, why bother going to the trouble of letting Severus figure it out? It just didn't make any sense. That's life for you._

_Sirius looked out from underneath the bushes, shuffling his paws nervously. I really hope he doesn't tweak out if he uses the hex…Sirius thought. It would really suck if he did. There was still time to just go back. To pretend like these…meeting things had never happened. Sirius knew he was fooling himself. He'd never be the same after all the time he'd spent with Sniv-…Severus. All the same he was scared._

_There were a few scenarios running through Sirius' head, and most of them were the extreme, improbable sorts, like the ones one gets when troubled about a new job or a big paper or speech to give. In your thoughts, everything that can go wrong, does, but when the time comes, it normally goes smoothly with the occasional pothole._

It's a damn cold night,

Trying to figure out this life.

Won't you take me by the hand,

Take me somewhere new?

I don't know who you are,

But I, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

_Carefully, he stepped out into the open and bounded over to Severus. The boy responded by crouching down and patting him on his head. Whenever the shaggy dog appeared, Severus couldn't help but crack a smile. He looked up at Severus and watched as he started to speak. "Snuffles…this book…it made me wonder. There's a spell to use…it…well, I just wondered if…it's harmless though…the spell I mean…it won't hurt or anything…"_

_Snuffles rested his chin against Severus' leg and woofled softly. He'd learned by now that whenever Severus was worried or excited he started to ramble and not make sense. Severus half smiled. "Sorry. There's a spell in here that tells if an animal is really a wizard. And I know it sounds weird, but I can't help wonder about it. You're so much smarter than other animals, and you understand me…but…" Severus stared at the ground. "I wonder if it's better to not know…" He shook his head. "No…I need to know. Snuffles, would you mind if I used the spell on you? I just need to know." He repeated._

_Sirius groaned. He really wanted Severus to know, so that MAYBE…just MAYBE, they could have a human to human friendship. But at the same time he didn't. It was better for him to be in the dark, and to not know who he was speaking to. Which to choose? Sirius knew that if he didn't want Severus to use the spell, that that was that. There would be no more questions, although Severus would remain curious. But he wouldn't use the spell. But if he accepted to be hexed, then that could mean the end of their relationship. And Sirius didn't want that…Not in the least. He wouldn't be able to bear it._

I'm looking for a place,

I'm searching for a face.

Is anybody here I know?

'Cause nothing's going right,

And everything's a mess.

And no one likes to be alone.

_Sirius debated for a long moment, and Severus waited. Eventually, Sirius nodded that it was okay for Severus to proceed with the hexing. He won't like the outcome though. Before Severus could take a few steps back to cast the spell, Sirius raced forwards and leaned against Severus in the dog equivalence of a hug. Severus crouched down and scratched his ears. "What's wrong? You look upset…and scared. Don't worry. It won't hurt. I'm still your friend, Snuffles." Sirius looked up at him, and the skepticism was evident on his face._

_Still slightly confused, Severus stepped back and pulled out his wand, pointing it at the big fuzzy dog. Severus spoke the spell aloud, and a jet of purple light shot out of his wand with a force that knocked him backward a few paces, but he remained on his feet. Smoke had enveloped Snuffles, and as it cleared, a look of pure terror and hate stole across Severus' face._

_Sirius stared back at Severus in his human form. He smiled oddly and half-heartedly at Severus, silently begging him to accept who he was. Severus gaped at him for a long moment, and then managed to speak. "You!"_

"_Me." Sirius replied quietly, now staring at the ground, not daring to look at Severus. He let his hands stay at his sides, not allowing them to cross across his chest like they normally did._

"_That's all you have to say to me?" Severus snarled, stalking forwards._

"_You've got a wand and a murderous look on your face. What do you WANT me to say?" Sirius replied evenly. He sighed as Severus got even angrier, and he turned away and stared unhappily at a tree. He shoved his hands deep inside his pockets. "I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have given you that book." He scuffed the ground repeatedly with one foot, and finally looked back at Severus._

"_You're going to tell everyone now. How screwed up Snivellus Snape really is, and how he stupidly confided in a mongrel dog who was really you." Severus kept his wand trained on Black, and there was betrayal and bitterness in his voice._

"_No I'm not." Sirius said, somewhat defensively. Severus' words stung him, even though they weren't really insults. "Why would I?"_

"_You already have!?" Severus asked now._

"_No." Sirius repeated, feeling sick. The hexes were about to be fired any moment. Sirius didn't care. He deserved them, for being so stupid as to think that Severus could see past their previous encounters. He stared at the ground for a few minutes, and when he looked back up, there was no one there in the clearing with him. "Severus?" No answer. He was alone now. What a mess I've made…Sirius thought dejectedly, refusing to let the tears spill down his cheeks. He walked slowly to the castle, his hands stuffed in his pockets._

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home?

_The next week was hell. Sirius tried to talk to Severus a few times the first day, but soon gave up. Severus couldn't sleep at night because he was so angry, worried, and upset. Sirius stayed up for long amounts of time during the night, staring at the Marauder's Map, trying to will the dot labeled "Severus Snape" to move away from its common room._

_Sirius' friends noticed the change in him; his unwillingness to talk, his lost appetite for food, the dark depression that hung over him. They tried to help, but unintentionally just made everything worse._

_Severus thought for a long time about Sirius' view of things, if he really was just being a friend. Severus wasn't the sort of person who had many friends, and as such, didn't really know if Sirius was or wasn't. He considered. _

_The Marauder had helped him through his depression. He'd reduced the tormenting down to about none at all. He'd helped him a few times to pick up his things from the ground and once had grabbed him to stop him from slipping. He gave him the book that had led to his discovery about Sirius and Snuffles being the same. He hadn't told his friends. All evidence pointed to the friend theory. Severus wasn't sure if he could deal with that. _

_On the other hand, Sirius and his merry gang had come up with some rather elaborate jokes before, such as the time they had convinced him to go down the tunnel leading to an adolescent werewolf. So that helped the not friend theory. He could scream in frustration, he was so confused._

It's a damn cold night,

Trying to figure out this life.

Won't you take me by the hand,

Take me somewhere new?

I don't know who you are,

But I, I'm with you.

I'm with you, yeah.

_What is the meaning of life? Sirius wondered, leaning back in his chair to stare at the library's ceiling. To have your heart ripped out, shredded, and stomped on. Yeah…that described it pretty well. WHY did he have to tell him? WHY? Sirius sat up again and stared dumbly at the Arithmacy book in front of him. He felt like exploding. He'd been feeling like that a lot lately, to be honest. James was temporarily hospitalized with Remus when he'd crashed into the lycanthrope at high speed on a broomstick. It had been funny until it was realized that Remus had a head concussion and a fractured elbow, and James had been blessed with three broken ribs. Lily was spending all of her time with them playing chess and cards, along with Peter. Which left him alone. Again._

_Sirius shivered. Was it just him, or was it cold? Whatever. Instead of exploding, Sirius buried his face in his arms and allowed a few tears to escape from their prison. Life sucked._

Why is everything so confusing?

Maybe I'm just out of my mind.

_Severus froze as he wandered the long aisles of books in the library. There, a few shelves over, he could barely make out Black, sitting at a table. Creeping forwards until he was only ten feet away, he watched in disbelief as the sixteen year old sat up, angrily wiping the few tears that had escaped onto his sleeve. _

_Standing up, Sirius slammed his books shut and glared at them, his hands balled into his fists. "Why should I care? It's his problem if he can't stand me as a friend." Sirius said to himself, but he completely contradicted himself when he spoke again, this time the words were accompanied with a few more tears. "Am I really that unbearable to be around?"_

It's a damn cold night,

Trying to figure out this life.

Won't you take me by the hand,

Take me somewhere new?

I don't know who you are,

But I, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

_Sirius slowly put his things away, not bothering to wipe away the tears that had fallen down his face. Turning to go, he walked right into Severus, who had crept closer. He looked at Severus unhappily and turned his head away to stare at the floor. They were both silent, until finally Sirius broke the awkward quiet. "Do you need something?"_

_The question scared Severus. Not the question itself, but the tone in which it was inflicted. There was no trace of human emotion in it, no anger, no spite, no sadness, nothing._

Take me by the hand,

Take me somewhere new.

I don't know who you are,

But I, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

_Severus slowly reached up and wiped away the last traces of Sirius' tears. That action brought Sirius' face up to look at him in astonishment and wonder. Severus was silent, biting his lip and looking at the table behind Sirius in thought. "I just…" He looked back at Sirius, "I just need…time. To…I don't know…just…think? I think I need time to let my mind get around things…"_

_Sirius made a weird face, but didn't say anything. "Time?" The way he said it was more of a statement, but Severus caught the question lingering within._

"_Yeah."_

Take me by the hand,

Take me somewhere new.

I don't know who you are,

But I, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

I'm with you…

_Sirius finally broke their eye contact and perched on the table, twisting his fingers together. "It was a bad idea to ever get involved." Sirius glared venomously at the carpet. "I shouldn't have interrupted that night. And I shouldn't have come back every night afterwards. Shouldn't have given you that book, shouldn't have consented to that spell. I shouldn't have done anything."_

"_No…" Severus said, taking hold of Sirius' shoulders. "I'm so glad you came. I don't know what I might have done that night, I was so confused and upset. If you hadn't come along…I might have died. And every night, I was so scared that when I went down there you wouldn't be there. I was terrified that I'd be left alone again. You're all I had."_

"_So now that I'm Sirius Black I can't be your friend anymore?" Sirius asked, and this time there was anger and hurt in the query._

_Severus silently sighed, "Bl-…Sirius. I just need a little while to get used to this, okay?" Sirius looked at him unhappily and muttered something. "What?" Severus asked, confused._

"_You said you were my friend, remember? Just before you found out. You gave me a hug and said, 'I'm still your friend, Snuffles.'" Sirius turned and started to walk away, "Take all the time you need. I'm just a spare part anyways."_

_Severus caught his arm, but Sirius didn't turn to look at him. "Please, Snuffles. Just a few days." The nickname caught Sirius off guard, and he turned around._

_There was silence for a long time. Finally, Sirius nodded. "Alright." Severus smiled slightly and ruffled Sirius' hair. Growling slightly, Sirius pushed Severus' hand away. "Watch it. This mongrel can still bite." Severus smiled fully, and left._

_The simple things in life mean the most. Very rarely are matters of great importance great matters, and even more rarely are they really important.

* * *

_What think you? I really really hope you like it!! 

One more favor to ask: if anyone has any ideas, thoughts, songs, ANYTHING, please please pleeeeeaaaseeeeeeee review and suggest it! I have some ideas for future chapters, but I want to put in another few chapters in between. Thanks so much!!!


	4. Chapter 4: You by Breaking Benjamin

Here's the next one, like I promised! Again, thanks for waiting so...waitfully! The squiggly s my favourite letter!

Anyhoo, yeah. If you didn't notice that the third chapter is different, then now you HAVE! And you should go back and read it, beause it's not a notice anymore, it's a chapter! Which needs to be read in order to understand this chapter! Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** Same old, same old. Wish I was Joanne and/or all of the amazing bands (in my opinion) that I've stolen the lyrics from. But alas, I am not. I am simply a bored high school student, trying to entertain a few people and make some friends. Song by Breaking Benjamin, called 'You'! You should listen to theeeeeeeem! And Avril! And 30 Seconds to Mars! And Three Days Grace!! Yep yep yep! K, I'm done. Swear.

* * *

My hands are broken,  
and time is going on and on it goes,  
forever.

_Sirius could have sworn time stopped in the next few days. During those days, Severus completely ignored Sirius, and didn't show up to meals. Sirius himself couldn't concentrate. It was weird, having a friend that wasn't sure if they were your friend in return. Sirius just didn't understand. He saw it as almost unfair. Whenever Severus needed someone, he'd been there, hadn't he? Now when Sirius needed Severus' support and acceptance the most, the guy wasn't there for him._

_It took Sirius only a few hours to come to this conclusion, but it took Severus almost three days to reach it. When he did, he felt horrible, and went down to talk to Sirius again immediately. He'd skipped his meals that day, so absorbed he was in thinking about his friendship with Sirius; the things he'd said, the things he'd done, the information that he'd disclosed to Sirius (although, in his mind, he called him Snuffles and saw him as a dog)._

_When Severus finally found him, Sirius was once again in the library, trying to understand his Arithmacy homework. Severus sat down silently beside him, and it was almost a full minute before Sirius noticed him. The speed at which Sirius leapt backwards confirmed he was surprised. "Don't DO that! You scared the shit out of me!"_

"_It won't happen again." Severus assured. Sirius looked at him and raised an eyebrow._

_There was silence, then, as Severus tried to think of what to say, but Sirius spoke. "So?"_

"_So what?" Severus asked, confused._

"_Are you okay with being my friend now?" Sirius asked, still slightly hurt about the whole affair, his head drooping._

So I got high and,  
lived all that life,  
that I have taken all for granted.

_Severus grinned, "I know it sounds insane, but you look like a puppy when you do that…and this is even weirder to say, but it's really cute." Sirius blinked in surprise. He'd been called many things before, but never 'cute'. Severus leant back in his chair then, and spoke to the high vaulted ceiling. "I just realized something, and I feel horrible now…I can see why you were upset earlier when I said I needed time to think things through." Severus turned to look at Sirius, black eyes meeting deep blue ones. "You didn't think twice about helping me out, and now I'm the one giving it second thoughts. I feel bad making you wait when you've so obviously wanted to tell me who you really were months ago. So…I'm sorry." He really looked it too. Severus was glad he'd been able to say what he'd wanted to say. For some reason, Snuffles was really easy to talk to…perhaps it was because he'd first met him as a scruffy dog, but who really knows?_

_Sirius nodded slowly, a small twinkle of mischief in his eyes, "I _suppose_ I can forgive you."_

Promise me you'll try,  
to leave it all behind.

_The rest of the night was kind of awkward. They'd known each other closely for almost three months (it was getting on to Christmas), but it was still hard to communicate. It was flawless when Sirius had been a dog; Severus eased by the fact that he was only talking to a dog, and Sirius calmed by the knowledge that he could act how he wanted. It was hard for Severus to put the image of Snuffles and that of Sirius together, but it was beginning to blend together smoother. Sirius was finding it hard to talk to Severus; up to this point he'd been the listener. But they really tried._

Cause I've elected hell,  
lying to myself.

_It fell into a sort of routine. After dinner, they'd both slowly make their way down to the library, where they went far back into the aisles to talk quietly and alone. Sirius always made sure that he was 'borrowing' the map at those times, to prevent his friends from finding out._

_Sirius still wasn't able to talk to Severus easily, and Severus was patient. It would come. It was like they switched roles in society when it was just the two of them. Sirius was a tough, smart kid with many friends on the outside, but he was actually really shy and quiet on the inside. Severus seemed shy, but he could talk someone's head off and ramble on for hours if he felt like it._

Why have I gone blind?  
Live another lie, you, you.

_The line that had separated Sirius and Severus started to blend together. It was visible at the corner of your eye, but if you turned to look at it, it disappeared altogether. Severus didn't have any friends except for Sirius, only acquaintances, which roughly translated meant people that were his friends only when it suited their interests._

_Sirius on the other hand, was skipping out on social activities with his other friends, and they were noticing. He came up with many excuses, the most brilliant of which was "Got homework to do. See you later!", and by 'see you later' he meant tomorrow morning at breakfast, since he normally went to bed late. He felt obliged to learn more about his newfound buddy._

The only way out,  
is letting your guard down and never die,  
forgotten.

_One night as they were talking about nothing in particular; the weather, the schoolwork they had to do, same old same old, Sirius did something unexpected and rather spastic. He slid out of his chair and, kneeling on the floor, rested his hands on Severus' lap and looked him in the eyes. Severus, surprised by this, reflexively pulled away, but caught himself and turned the gesture into shifting to a different position in his chair._

"_Do you think I'm a bad person, Severus?" He asked suddenly. Severus blinked. Again with the surprised-ness…Sirius never called him 'Severus', even now. He still went with 'Snape' most of the time._

"_Uhhmm…Should I think you're a bad person?" He replied, confused._

"_Just answer the question, please. Am I or not?" Sirius repeated, seeming anxious now._

"_Of course not. You're one of the best people I know." Severus said, and there was no doubt in his voice when he said it. "Why?"_

_Before he could finish the one syllable word, Sirius was off, talking like he'd never talked before. He told Severus all about his life, how his mother called him a blood traitor for being put in Gryffindor, how he was scared he could never live up to be like the rest of his family, could never live up to their expectations. He spoke of many things, much the same as the night Severus had first spoken to Sirius._

Forgive me my love,  
I stand here all alone,  
And I can see the bottom.

_Like that first night, Sirius cried as hard as Severus had, but Severus had no idea what to do. He sat, watching Sirius crying on his lap, holding onto his robes in desperation. On a whim, he pulled Sirius up so he was sitting in his lap, and rocked him back and forth silently._

_Sirius was surprised when Severus did that, considering how tense and nervous he had been moments before. Now comfort and sympathy radiated from the skinny Slytherin, and Sirius couldn't begin to describe how grateful he was for that._

_After a long while, Severus began to feel extremely uncomfortable, having Sirius in his lap. It would have helped tremendously if his mind hadn't started acting of its own accord. He started stroking Sirius' chest, completely unaware of what he was doing. When he realized it, he yanked his hand back quickly._

Promise me you'll try,  
to leave it all behind.

_Sirius looked up at him, "That was really helping me get control of myself, actually…" He trailed off, and then frowned oddly. Why DID it help him calm down? The possible answers, one in particular, scared and surprised him so badly that he leapt up like he'd been electrocuted._

_Severus stared at him for a long moment, also contemplating his instinctive reaction. Suddenly, a theory crept into his head, and he felt his face go red in embarrassment. "Uhhh…You…feeling better…then?" He asked, staring at a bookshelf._

Cause I've elected hell,  
lying to myself.

_The odd moment passed, and Sirius calmed down a bit. "Yeah. Thanks for…yeah."_

_Severus nodded, breathing deeply through his nose. Finally, when his face would do what he wanted it to, he turned to look back at Sirius. "Welcome." He said, understanding what Sirius meant._

Why have I gone blind?  
Live another lie, you,

_After that, the talking grew easier. They would work on their homework together, talk about school together, wander around in the dead of night together…Heck. If they could hang out all the time, they would._

_Severus demanded after a few weeks of this that Sirius spend more time with his Gryffindor pals as well. "I may not like them, but they came before me. It's not fair to ignore them now."_

_Sirius assented to the request, and they saw each other less often, which was still okay._

You, you, you, you, you.

_There were only two things that were bothering Severus. One: How did Sirius know when he decided to go to their clearing? It had been smoldering in the back of his head for almost a month now, ever since he'd found out that Snuffles was Sirius. The second thing was harder to pin down. It was an odd emotion that he now had every time he saw Sirius. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but he knew he shouldn't be feeling it._

_Sirius was having a hard time accepting why he'd felt so comforted, so safe, so…no. Just comforted and safe. He knew why though. It was because he trusted Severus. And trust could lead to attachment…to dependency. It could even lead to…THAT._

_Why does everything have to be so confusing, and why does Life have to suddenly confuse you more by adding emotions, thoughts, and feelings to the mix?_

_Being friends with your enemy is one thing…but to love them is something entirely different.

* * *

_Must...stick...to...story...line...

I give up. I just CAN'T. I tried, and I failed, but hey. I'm only human...or AM I? OO Nyeh...looks like this is going to be a guyxguy relationship thing. Sorry if some people don't like that...but that's how it's turned/ing out.

Again, comments, ideas, songs, anything really really helps. And thanks! Hope it's not too boring. And I'll try to not make it too kinky or anything. But I've got doubts in that area too. Hmm.

Review? Please? Pretty please?


	5. Chapter 5: Hundred by The Fray

Hey all! Sorry for such a delay getting this up, but I've been a bit busy, what with school and winter break and homework and, of course, Christmas. So, happy belated Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hannukah/Solstice/Whatever-You-Celebrate!! (And sorry if I spelled any of them holidays wrong. It wasn't intentional. I'm just too lazy to get a dictionary. I never understood dictionaries...if you're trying to figure out how to spell something, then to look it up, you have to know how it's spelled. Unless you feel like wasting days flipping through the entire thing. Oh snap, I'm ranting.

Anyways, Merry...Thingy...to you all, and please remember to review, because they really make me smile!!

**Disclaimer:** Severus and Sirius are only my things to toy with until the humane society for toyed with fictional characters come and beat my ass. Until that dreaded day comes though, I will continue this story.

* * *

The how I can't recall,  
Now I'm staring at what once was the wall.  
That separated east and west…  
Now they meet amidst the broad daylight.

_Sirius groaned, "What do you MEAN?"_

_Not looking up from his parchment, Severus replied levelly, "I mean what I mean. Write your OWN essay for once."_

"_Aw, come on, Severus. You know that's not fair." Sirius said, putting on his 'dejected dog' façade._

_Severus rolled his eyes. "It's not fair for you to do your own work for once? You've got a twisted sense of logic, my friend." He looked up at Sirius, who still had that annoying face pulled. Severus pulled a face of his own; one of disgust. "Now who's not being fair? You know that face'll get you practically anything you want." Despite his annoyance, a small smile played at the corner of Severus' mouth, slowly twitching its way into existence._

_Sirius grinned briefly, knowing he had Severus on the verge of giving in. "I know. That's why I'm using it." He flashed another piteous face at Severus. "Besides, I wrote your Transfiguration paper last week, and you got an A+ on it, remember?" Sirius winked._

"_Blackmail now. Typical." Severus scowled at Sirius for a long moment, and Sirius' eyes went innocently and adorably wide. Severus threw his hands up in the air and laughed, "FINE. I'll write your stupid essay." He slumped back in his chair, and glared half-heartedly at Sirius, who was seated on the floor, next to their low-to-the-ground coffee table._

_Sirius smiled happily. "You're the best, Sev." He leaned back from the table and yawned widely. He looked at Severus after a moment when there was no response at all from him. The Slytherin was staring unhappily at the table, and it took Sirius a moment to realize why. He'd used the nickname. __The__ nickname._

_Black crawled around the table, and knelt in front of Severus, staring at his friend. Severus was now gazing at the ground to avert his eyes from Sirius' as much as possible. Sirius ducked his head down low to try and get Severus' attention, but to no avail. He frowned, "Severus."_

_The other dark haired boy raised an eyebrow to show that he was listening, but his gaze remained locked upon the carpet. "Severus…I'm sorry I called you that, but you kind of need to move on. Lily's not your friend anymore, and she knows she could be if she wanted to."_

"_But she's not here." Severus said quietly. "She's not my friend anymore. It hurts, Sirius. She was my only friend for years until I screwed it up, and that name reminds me of all of it." Sirius sighed quietly. Typical of Severus to get all moody because of a nickname. He knew he had to amend the situation though, or Severus would be like this for days._

_Sirius leaned so close to Severus that it made both of them uncomfortable. Severus finally was forced to meet Sirius' gaze. Sirius smiled, "I'm here, and I'm your friend. I don't see why I can't use Lily's nickname. You lovingly baptized me 'Snuffles', after all." Sirius rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, and Severus couldn't help but smile._

_Severus stared at Sirius for a little longer. That strange feeling started to come back, accentuated by the fact that Sirius' face was only about two inches from his own. He felt his face burn red as he tried to pull his eyes away from Sirius'._

_Sirius too, was starting to squirm in discomfort, but he didn't back down from where he was._

_Finally, Severus spoke. "You and your goddamned blackmail..." Sirius grinned and pulled away, now sure that the danger of depression was past._

So this is where you are, and this is where I am.  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred.

_How did it come to this? How did it happen? Sirius wondered, blankly staring at the wall, while sitting on his four-poster bed. He put his face in his hands, taking in a deep breath, before looking up again. Glancing out the window, he saw big, white-gray clouds moving swiftly over the mountains. Snow was coming! And snow meant…Christmas. He exhaled slowly._

_Sirius grinned to himself. The odd thing, was that he was okay with the feelings that had grown for Severus. At first, it had terrified him, but he managed to calm down. I've been with guys before too; there's nothing weird there…for me at least. Sirius thought to himself. He knew other people had a problem with it. At least his friends didn't care; they could even care less. The only thing that they'd made clear when he'd first told them that he was bi-sexual was that they'd appreciate it if he didn't make any advances towards them: they only loved him as a brother and friend. And he'd stayed true to that. He didn't like them like that anyways._

_Severus, on the other hand…Sirius smirked at the name. I call him Severus now! He thought rather triumphantly. He'd finally been able to kill off the habit of using Snivellus, which took quite a while, since he'd never bothered to call him anything else._

_Severus… Sirius rolled it around in his mind. It was a nice name, once one got used to it. Severus… He smiled._

_The only problem Sirius had, was that he wasn't sure if Severus was for the guy and guy thing. He didn't want to mention it, for fear of pushing his friend away or making him uncomfortable around Sirius. And yet…he wanted to tell him, too. They shared everything with each other. There was nothing Sirius hadn't told Severus, except for his newfound feelings. _

_A few days ago, he'd also had the Marauder's Map on that infinitesimally small list, but Severus had asked about how Sirius had been able to tell when he was going down to the clearing. So Sirius had told him, shown him even. He hadn't, however, told him the password to make the map appear, at Severus' request. He'd said, "It's cooler if I don't know. Besides, it's yours' and the Marauders'…I shouldn't be in on it too."_

_-----_

_Severus was in a similar predicament. He was trudging up the stairs to the Astronomy tower, to watch the sky before it was time for dinner. He needed fresh air. That had to be it. The musty corridors and classrooms, the claustrophobic atmosphere of the school, was the result of all his weird thoughts. That HAD to be it._

_Severus reached the outdoors finally, and went around behind the tower, so he could sit against the rough stonework and not worry about someone smacking him with the door if they came out. He closed his eyes and breathed in the rich, fresh air flowing around him. The air helped to clear his mind a bit, but not as much as he had hoped. Those pesky thoughts were still there. Suddenly, behind his closed eyelids, he saw flashes of the dream he'd had the night before. He was with Sirius, in the library. Normal. They were talking. Normal. Sirius got up and knelt by Severus' chair. …Not as normal, but it had happened on several occasions, most of which involving begging and potions essays. Then Severus had leaned forwards and kissed Sirius. NOT NORMAL. Severus could never see him kiss anyone, especially a guy. He shivered and opened his eyes, staring up at the clouds that were now directly overhead. Yet…somehow, he could see himself kissing Sirius._

_No. No, no, no, no, NO!!! He screamed mentally at himself. He did NOT like Sirius Black. He did NOT. He was his best friend, and he'd do anything for him. End of story._

_Then WHY was that feeling still there? Severus glared at a spider making its web in a hole from where a brick had fallen out of place. "It's all your fault." He told the spider. _

"_None of this would have happened if you hadn't made your web there." He stared at it for a few seconds longer, and then grinned. He was being so silly. Silly…now there's a word one doesn't normally associate with Severus Snape._

It's hard I must confess,  
Now I'm banking on the rest to clear away.  
Cause we have spoken everything,  
Everything short of 'I love…'

_Time passed, and Christmas drew closer. Sirius was spending the day flying with the other Marauders, fooling around and practicing different techniques. Severus was sitting a little ways off from the stadium, near the trees, doing schoolwork. Every few moments he would lift his head and watch the tiny figures that were Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter in the stadium. Apparently both James and Remus had recovered from their injuries, so Sirius was spending some quality friend time with them._

_Severus sighed softly and leaned back in the grass, staring up at the sky. He completely forgot about everything as he stared upwards, watching the clouds roll across the blue expanse and roil and boil as they prepared for a storm._

_Sirius too, was watching the storm clouds, but worriedly. It could mean the cancellation of their Quidditch game against Hufflepuff on Saturday. He couldn't help but keep glancing over towards the solitary figure on the hill, either. James noticed and questioned him on it._

"_Hey, Paddy. What'cha looking at?" He asked, pulling up beside Sirius on his broom, looking from him to the general direction where Sirius' gaze was falling._

_Sirius immediately looked away and answered the generic answer for the types of questions that one wants to avoid when in this sort of situation. "Nothing. I was just…nothing."_

_James couldn't make out what he was looking at, and turned to his friend worriedly, "Dude, are you okay? I mean, you haven't been acting like yourself lately. You're all secretive, and quiet, and you're always exhausted. What's eating you?" Sirius just looked at James oddly. "What? I'm your friend right?"_

_Sirius nodded, "Of course you are. Best friends for life, remember?" He held up a tiny scar on his right hand, long since healed over._

_James grinned, "So, why won't you tell me about it? Come on! Is it a girl?" He asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow._

_Sirius smiled widely at James' expression. "Wow…You look insanely like Se—someone else I know." He barely caught himself. Luckily, James didn't notice. Sirius sighed. James was never going to let this go now. "It's…just…"_

_James laughed, "I KNEW it was a girl! So who is she? Is this the girl you've been spending so much time with lately?"_

_Sirius smirked. "No. And it's not a girl…It's this guy…" He trailed off, unsure of how to go on. He always felt uncomfortable talking to James about things like this._

"_Oh…" James blinked, tried to say something, and then decided against it and flew off. That was why Sirius hated talking about things like that. James didn't do well on the whole 'feelings' thing._

_Sirius rolled his eyes to himself, and chased after him, deciding to forget about Severus for a while and concentrating instead on a complex spin._

You're right where you are, from right where I am.  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred.  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred.

_Severus sighed. He had no idea what to get Sirius for Christmas. He'd never had to go Christmas shopping, since he'd never had a friend to shop for. Lily's presents had always been easy to get. A book, or a new wand case or something. But this was Sirius, and Severus wanted to get it right._

_He paused outside of the Three Broomsticks, trying to think of something that Sirius would like, and that he could afford. Severus didn't get much spending money; he always was careful with it._

_A sarcastic voice came from right next to him. "Hmm. Thinking again, eh, Severus? That's new and exciting."_

_Severus nearly leapt out of his skin, as he turned to find Sirius standing behind him, looking rather pleased with himself. Severus glared, "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "And you're going to give yourself a brain hemorrhage. Honestly, Severus. Don't you know me well enough to be able to find me something in Hogsmeade for Christmas?"_

"_How'd you know I was shopping for YOU?" Severus demanded, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips._

_Sirius sighed regally, "Because, of course, I'm extremely important." Severus rolled his eyes and started walking the other way. Sirius laughed and skidded around to stop in front of him. "And because you love me!"_

_There was an extremely awkward silence that followed, as Severus' normally pale skin went bright red, and Sirius just stared at him._

"_Uhhh…so…any suggestions on that present?" Severus managed to ask._

_Sirius smiled so warmly, that Severus' already red face went a shade deeper. "Severus, you don't HAVE to buy me something."_

"_I want to though." Severus insisted._

"_Is there any point in arguing with you?" Sirius asked, his eyes widening a bit._

"_Nope."_

"_Thought so."_

_They continued down the street, a few feet away from each other in case they ran into anyone they knew, but most of them were up at the school still._

And who's to say it's wrong,  
And who's to say that it's not right.  
Where we should be…for now.

_Severus grinned. He'd been able to find Sirius the perfect present, and without the Gryffindor's help after all. Carefully, he wrapped up the gift, and locked it away in his trunk to keep it safe for tomorrow. It was Christmas Eve today, and it had snowed overnight._

_He finally headed downstairs for the feast, after a long time of dilly-dallying in his dorm. He was the only Slytherin that had stayed home for the break. Apparently there were only a few people staying this year, so it was no surprise when he reached the Great Hall and found only one table set out._

_Dumbledore waved at him from where they were all sitting; everyone already eating. "Welcome, Mister Snape! Please have a seat!"_

_Severus nodded back to Dumbledore, muttering a 'Merry Christmas', and went to sit down. To his amazement, the only open seat was next to Sirius. He was about to wave to him, but then remembered where he was and how weird that would look, as everyone still supposed that he and Sirius were sworn enemies. Instead, he milled about, looking up and down the table hopefully before huffing angrily and sitting next to Sirius stiffly._

_Sirius wasn't in on the act though. He grinned at Severus and raised his glass. "Merry Christmas, you greasy git."_

_Severus simply stared; it seemed like an appropriate reaction. His eyes swiveled to Remus, James and Peter, who all wore similar expressions to Sirius'. They too, wished him a happy Christmas, and smiled politely. Sirius finally laughed and reached up to push Severus' mouth closed._

_Severus finally managed to speak. "What the hell did they spike the pumpkin juice with?"_

_Everyone burst out laughing again, and Sirius rolled his eyes like he frequently did. "Come on, Snape!" He laughed, reaching over for the mashed potatoes. "It's Christmas; can't we take a day off from all the name calling and hexing?" He splattered some potatoes on his plate, and dolloped some onto Severus' as well._

_Severus didn't trust himself to speak. This was crazy. The Marauders, being nice to him? He ate without hardly noticing what it was that he was putting in his mouth, as he thought about it. Maybe Sirius had told them…or maybe they had guessed. No. They couldn't know. He'd have been hexed to high hell by now if they did._

"_So, Snape. Why're you staying at the castle?" Remus asked, kindly and tactfully pulling Severus into their conversation._

"_He always stays here." James said for Severus, biting viciously into a chicken leg. Severus scowled at him, but said nothing._

_Dessert came around, and as Sirius leaned across to get some pudding, he shot a grin at Severus. "Are you okay?" He mouthed._

_Severus nodded very slightly in reply, and it was Sirius' turn to scowl. He obviously wasn't buying it. James started talking about some obscure detail about tactical broom flying, most of which went right over Severus' head. He picked at his food again, wishing the dinner was over. Sirius couldn't very well talk to him like they did when they were alone anyways, and he was seemingly completely absorbed in whatever James was talking about._

_It came as a surprise then, naturally, when a hand snaked its way over to him under the table and came to rest on his thigh. He practically jumped out of his skin, but no one thankfully noticed. Severus chanced a glance over at Sirius, who was still seemingly engrossed in the conversation with his friends. Severus stared at one of the house banners hanging on the wall across the table, feeling the blood rushing to his cheeks. He gritted his teeth and sat as stiffly and straight as a statue and fought to keep control of his face._

_Sirius was grinning widely by the time Severus had leapt skyward, but he forced his gaze to remain on James and kept talking as though nothing had happened. When at last the conversation turned away from him he, like Severus had to him, chanced a glance at Severus. He discreetly scooted a bit closer to Severus, and tapped his leg with a finger. Severus quickly leaned forwards on the table with his elbows and rested his face in his hands, extremely thankful of his thick black hair cascading around his face to create a screen between himself and Sirius._

"_What?" Came the hoarse inquiry from behind the curtain of hair._

_Sirius tapped Severus' leg again, but this time Severus looked down. Sirius was holding a piece of folded parchment in his hand. He reached down under the table and took it from Sirius, and started to open it, when the same hand that was guilty of his burning face and jumpiness took a hold of his wrist gently._

_Severus turned to look at Sirius, who was staring at the table as if he could see through it to the slip of paper now residing in Severus' grasp. It looked almost as if he wanted to take it back from him, but he just kept holding onto Severus' wrist. Severus moved it experimentally, and Sirius slowly let go and turned back to Remus, who was across the table from them, and answered a question that Severus didn't catch._

_Severus opened the note silently, mentally wincing as the folds in the paper creaked open, but he shouldn't have worried; the hall was too full of laughter and talk to hear a gun fire off. He read it with quickly mounting curiosity, pocketed the note, and nudged Sirius 'accidentally' while reaching for the pumpkin juice. He nodded when Sirius' eyes automatically swiveled to lock with his._

_Sirius smiled nervously._

So this is where you are, and this is where I am.  
So this is where you are, and this is where I've been.

And this is where I've been.  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred…

_What the note said:_

"_Severus, it's Christmas tomorrow, but I don't want to wait to give you your present until tomorrow. I'm not sure I'll be able to tomorrow anyways. I, the mighty Snuffles, don't think I'll have the guts for it if I put it off any longer. Can you meet me in the __library owlry__ forest later tonight after the feast at 11 o'clock? I'll be in the usual place. You don't have to come if you don't want to. It might be better if you didn't. I don't know. Give me some sign of yes or no before dinner's over, okay?"

* * *

_Don't you love me and my wonderful cliffhanger? I'm working on the next chapter!! Never fear! And thankyou for the song suggestion! You know who you are. I really appreciate, and you're right...it will work, but not for another few chapters...I think. 


	6. Chapter 6: Broken Wings by Flyleaf

OH GEEZ! I finally got it up! You can stop hating me now!! XD Lost part of it in the great black out of a couple days ago (which only lasted a few minutes), so I had to retype half of it. It took foreeeeeeeeveeeeeeeeeeer!!

I'm sorry I've taken so long...Forgive me...

**DISCLAIMER TIME!!:** The below work was written from the disturbed part of my mind again at early hours of the morning. The charries are copyrighted to the amazing Miss Rowling, and Warner Brothers, I suppose, but I don't like those guys so YOU AREN'T INCLUDED!!! MWAHAHAAAA!!!! ...Guess they are now...whatever.

Music is by Flyleaf: Broken Wings is le name of le song. Tis beautiful. You should listen to it. You really should.

* * *

Thank you for being such a friend to me,

Oh, I pray a friend for life.

_Severus watched Sirius silently, marking the movements that his friend made as he paced back and forth across the snowy clearing that they'd claimed as their own. Sirius' boots crunched through the snow, cutting through the silence that had fallen over the forest. Severus frowned as Sirius turned back to pace towards him. Something was wrong. He could tell that Sirius was upset from the way he was acting. Just his irritated, twitchy movements showed Severus that Sirius wasn't the happiest that he was there. _

_And speaking of irritated and twitchy…Severus still had a score to settle with Sirius, for putting him through such uncomfortable situations at dinner. He smiled a bit and then shivered at the lingering memory of Sirius' hand resting on his leg. Shaking his head, he tried to clear the emotions now running amok in his brain._

_Severus bent down and scooped up a handful of snow and waited until Sirius had gotten as close as he would in his path of pacing from where Severus waited behind a tree. He stepped out, took aim, and hurled the ball of snow towards Sirius._

_Luckily for Sirius, Severus' aim was off and it smashed into a tree next to him. Unluckily for Sirius, when it hit the tree, it dislodged a large amount of snow from a branch and sent it cascading onto his head._

_Shaking with laughter, Severus stepped all the way into their clearing and grinned at Sirius, as the Gryffindor howled and danced around on the spot, trying to get the snow out from inside his shirt. A few moments later, a flushed and annoyed Sirius glared at Severus. "What was that for, you git?"_

_Severus merely shrugged and crossed his arms, shooting a glare of his own back at Sirius. "I think you can figure it out." When it seemed clear to Severus that Sirius had, in fact, no idea what he was supposed to figure out, he rolled his eyes. "How about a hint? Let's see…does the word 'dinner' have any meaning to you?"_

_Confusion turned to understanding behind Sirius' eyes. "Oh. That. Well, I…uh…" He trailed off lamely._

"_Do you have any idea what you've done to me because of that?" Severus demanded, advancing towards Sirius angrily. Sirius merely stammered unintelligible nonsense as his clearly upset friend stalked towards him. Severus suddenly dropped his angered look and ceased his moving towards Sirius. "Traumatized for life now, I'll be. Thanks so much." He rolled his eyes sarcastically._

And have I ever told you how much you mean to me?

Oh, you mean so much to me.

_Sirius grinned, "Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't really thinking. I had other…concerns at the moment."_

_Severus nodded, "By the looks of it, you're still a bit preoccupied. What's eating you?" He stepped closer to his friend, and looked into his eyes carefully. "Don't hedge your way out of it either. I know something's up. Speaking of things being up, why did you pick here of all places to meet? I can see why; it being December and the middle of winter and freezing cold and wet and late at night." Severus grimaced, and Sirius laughed._

"_Well…I don't know. Old time's sake, I suppose. You know. We met here, and it's Christmas, and…yeah." Sirius trailed off again, which got Severus frowning again. It wasn't like Sirius to not finish what he was saying. However, his response to his question was intriguing._

"_You mean like it's all special and you want this to be a night we can remember when we're crazy old geezers like Dumbledore?" Severus asked, just to clarify._

"_Yeah, that's it. That's it exactly." Sirius said, glad that his friend understood. "I wanted it to be memorable."_

_Severus was silent for a moment, his face contorting oddly, before he burst out laughing. "I'm sorry!" He choked out finally. "It's just…so…I mean it…was…so corny!!" Severus doubled over in fits of laughter, while Sirius looked on disgustedly._

_Sirius sighed. Maybe asking Severus to come down here was a bad idea. But…there was no time for second thoughts now. It was all or nothing. Sirius shook himself mentally. He was going to do what he came here to do._

"_I'm sorry Sirius." Severus said, finally stopping his laughter, but a big grin remained on his face. "I know what you mean, and it shouldn't have been that funny. It's just because it was the weirdest thing I've ever heard you say. And," He added, wagging a finger at Sirius, "You didn't answer my first question. Why'd you bring me down here?"_

_Sirius took a deep breath; this was it. "I wanted to give you your Christmas present of course."_

I'm thinking on a turn how to tell you how I feel…

I'm contemplating phrases.

_Severus grinned, "Oh, yeah! That's right! Here; before I forget." He pulled out a small package from the inside of his robes and handed it to Sirius, who stared at him. "What?" Severus asked after a long moment. "Is it too small?"_

"_No! No, it's not that…" Sirius said hastily, glancing down at the small thing in his hand. "It's…you…I told you not to buy me a Christmas present." Contrary to his tone of disapproval, Sirius started opening the package, but his eyes remained locked to Severus'._

"_But this is me!" Said Severus, fluttering his eyelashes and placing a hand over his heart. "And friends of mine get Christmas presents!"_

_Sirius rolled his eyes, and for the first time looked at what he'd finished unwrapping. Inside of the vibrantly colored paper was a necklace, or more of a charm, really. It was a thin chain, silver, and hanging off of it was a little dog's paw print. The paw was made out of some of the blackest onyx that Sirius had ever seen, and it was carved flawlessly (obviously a very proficient spell caster had molded it). Despite all of it's finesse and delicacy, it was instantly recognizable as a man's necklace._

"_Sweet Merlin, Severus." Sirius exclaimed, examining it closely. He didn't even want to think about how much the little bauble had cost Severus. More than what he owned, of that Sirius was damn near certain. "It's beautiful! Oh, thank you so much!!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms around his friend in happiness. Severus' eyes widened as he was tackled by Sirius, and muttered something, hugging his friend back. Neither let go for a while, until Sirius became too happy again and bounced in a little circle, the necklace jingling on it's chain._

_Sirius held it up to the moonlight and watched it shimmer as it spun around wildly, reflecting fragments of the moon's light into the trees. Fumbling with the catch slightly, he struggled to get it on._

_Severus grinned and stepped behind him, taking the necklace's ends from Sirius and clasping it together. He then pulled Sirius' hair out from between the necklace and his skin._

_It came as a surprise when Sirius leaned back into him, and looked up at him. "I'm not sure you'll like your Christmas present, Sev."_

_Severus blinked, perplexed by the way Sirius' statement had sounded. Almost like an apology. "Hey, I'm sure I will." Severus said, discreetly moving away from Sirius, feeling the all too familiar tinge of burning embarrassment on his face as it turned pink._

_Sirius straightened up and turned to face Sirius, an odd look passing over his face. Severus frowned; he knew that face. But from where? What was it? Sirius stood there silently, staring into Severus' eyes. "Can you promise me something, Sev?"_

_Severus nodded, unable to take his eyes from Sirius'. "Sure, Sirius. Anything."_

"_Promise me you won't hate me for it? That we can forget about it if you don't want it?"_

_Again, Severus nodded, "I promise. Can you just tell me what's got you so worked up?" _

_Sirius' eyes trailed away from Severus' eyes, rolling over all of his features. His smooth hair, his small ears, his slightly hooked nose, the dark red blush tinting his cheeks, his beautiful smooth lips. His eyes lingered on Severus' lips, before he abandoned them in favor of looking back into Severus' dark eyes._

I'm gazing at eternity,

I am floating in serenity.

"_You." Sirius finally said, stepping up so close to Severus that their noses almost touched. Sirius reached up and brushed a strand of Severus' hair behind his ear._

_Severus stammered some garbled words. "You…I…me…wha…huh?" He had definitely not been expecting this; that was for sure._

_Sirius smiled nervously, and wrapped his arms around Severus. Severus blinked and stared at him. Sirius lowered his head to Severus' throat and kissed it lightly. He felt Severus swallow hard, and he smiled, starting to kiss his way up it._

_Severus hated his neck being even looked at, let alone touched, but when Sirius kissed it, he tilted his head back, allowing his friend more access to it. His eyes drifted closed as he enjoyed the feeling of Sirius' lips on his skin. Severus almost didn't notice when Sirius got to the corner of his lips and stopped._

_Sirius pulled back a bit, and took Severus' hands in his from where they were dangling at his sides. He placed Severus' hands for him; one went around Sirius' torso, and the other on his shoulder. He put his own hands around Severus again, entangling one in Severus' soft hair, while pulling him closer. Severus obliged, stepping as close to Sirius as he could, pressing their bodies together in a tight embrace._

_Sirius finally leaned down and carefully placed his lips against Severus'. Severus shivered involuntarily at the contact, and his grip on Sirius' shoulder tightened. Sirius still kissed him softly, moving his lips against Severus', who was still too shocked to respond. The Gryffindor rubbed up and down Severus' back a bit and paused in his kissing. "Should I stop? I'm sorry…" Sirius trailed away and started to pull back._

_Severus held onto Sirius tightly, barely stopping the other from pulling away. "No…" He was at a loss for words, but he wanted Sirius' closeness more than anything in the world right then. He couldn't leave. Not now.  
_

_Sirius was still unsure, but hugged Severus closer, once again pressing their mouths together. This time, Severus pushed his fear aside and responded to Sirius, managing to find his place in their kiss through the murky fog covering all thoughts and functions._

And I am so lost for words…

And I am so overwhelmed…

_Severus moved a hand to Sirius' neck, where he could feel the Gryffindor's pulse racing against the warm skin that encased the veins furiously pumping blood. Sirius increased the pace at which his mouth moved against Severus', who moaned a bit. Sirius slowly pushed Severus up against a tree and pressed their bodies together as closely as was humanly possible. He flicked his tongue out and probed Severus' lips, coaxing them slowly open before slipping his tongue inside._

_Severus gripped Sirius' neck firmly, automatically allowing Sirius free access to all parts of his mouth. Sirius withdrew again leaving Severus with the option of doing the same to him. Timidly, Severus explored Sirius' mouth as well, and their kissing grew more heated again, both holding onto the other for dear life, or so it would seem if someone walked by._

_Sirius moved his hands around Severus' thin frame, moving up and down his back a few times, trailing his fingers down his sides, and then let them come to rest upon his hips. Hip bones really, Sirius thought, since there wasn't much but skin covering them. Severus really was too skinny. Without warning, Sirius gripped Severus' hips firmly and ground his pelvis into the other's, immediately forming a rhythm with their kisses._

_Severus couldn't help it…this newest development scared him to high hell; he jumped away: at least, he would have if the tree hadn't been in the way. He froze and became immobile, eyes wide in brief terror. Sirius sensed Severus' panic and quickly ceased, pulling away to look concernedly at his friend's face. Finding the source of Severus' panic, he found himself looking away guiltily. "I'm sorry, Sev. I didn't…I just…"_

_Severus took a couple of shaky breaths, once more holding Sirius from retreating further. "No." He said again, leaning his head forwards onto Sirius' shoulder. Sirius was silent, but put his arms back around Severus, cradling him a bit._

_They stood for a while like that, until Sirius slowly started kissing up and down Severus' neck, the other once more allowing him. Severus closed his eyes again, before turning his gaze to the sky. The moon was shining brightly, almost obscuring the stars closest to it from view._

"_Sirius?" Severus finally said, breaking the silence._

"_Mmm?" Came the reply from somewhere near Severus' jaw._

"_I liked my present a lot."_

_Sirius pulled back from Severus' jaw and laughed, "I'm very relieved to hear that."_

_Severus shyly leaned in for another kiss from Sirius, who smiled and gave it to him, pressing his body to the other teen's again. Severus responded to that by quietly moaning into Sirius' mouth. Sirius kept his hands on Severus' torso, not daring to delve further into the pleasures that normally (for him) came with heated kissing._

Please don't go just yet.

Can you stay a moment please?

_Yet, just as he'd decided that, Severus' hands found his and replaced them onto his hips. Severus kept his hands on top of Sirius' and stroked the back of his hands with his fingers. Severus smiled through their kissing, and Sirius held his hips closer and tighter. Slowly, so he didn't scare the Slytherin again, he started rubbing against him. He rubbed harder and then eased off, before grinding his pelvis into Severus' again, each time earning a gasping moan from Severus._

_Severus found himself falling into a rhythm with Sirius as his body became accustomed to another person being this close. In a moment, all of his troubles, fears, doubts and hurts melted away as all of his worldly attention fell to the person holding him closely. He was so happy. There was finally someone who didn't find him repulsive. Who liked him for who he was instead of what he was. Sirius didn't see him as the scrawny, brainy illegal potions brewer and dark arts master anymore. He saw him as a smart, skinny, talented potions master teenager who had a bad habit of reading dark books. It was a couple steps up from where he'd been, that was for sure._

_Both Sirius and Severus' stomachs were doing Olympic style acrobatics, and Sirius broke off their latest kiss to catch his breath. He surveyed the Slytherin before him. Severus was panting breathlessly, a mist of steamy air gushing out of his mouth. His eyes were half closed, and he was staring off happily into the woods._

_Sirius put a hand on his hip and frowned at Severus, whose eyes flickered over to him. "What?" He asked, perplexed by Sirius' glare._

"_You told me you've never kissed anyone before."_

"_That's right…" Severus said, still confused. He nervously fidgeted with the sleeves of his robe, twisting the material around._

_Sirius kept glaring. "You liar."_

"_Why would I lie, Sirius?" Severus demanded, starting to feel unhappy as the Gryffindor kept glaring._

_Sirius stepped back up to Severus, still glaring, and snogged him hard, pinning Severus' arms to his side. Severus squirmed for a moment and then gave up, kissing Sirius just as hard back. In between kissing, Sirius spoke, "You're…too good…of…a kisser…to not…have done it…before…"_

_Severus somehow disentangled their mouths and laughed. "Really?" He asked, raising an eyebrow._

_Sirius smiled back, his eyes sparkling. "Really."_

_Severus grinned, while Sirius smiled widely and kissed Severus again, nibbling his lip affectionately. Severus moved to hold Sirius closer, but found his arms still pinned to his sides. He struggled, "Sirius, can you let go?" Sirius complied after a moment, draping his arms around Severus. Severus immediately grabbed Sirius' collar and yanked him until they were pressed together again._

_Sirius smirked, now nibbling Severus' jaw and working his way down. Severus groaned loudly as Sirius nipped a tender point on his throat. Sirius' muffled laughter came from under Severus' chin, and Severus squirmed in pleasure when Sirius licked the spot and bit it again._

We can dance together,

We can dance forever.

_Severus ran his hands through Sirius' hair, his mind too fogged to be able to function and do much else. Sirius bit down harder on the side of Severus' neck and sucked on it for a while, before he was satisfied that he'd left his mark. Severus rolled his eyes and felt the hickey with two fingers. "Did you HAVE to do that?"_

"_Of course not." Sirius replied with a grin, licking his lips._

_Severus threw a light punch in Sirius' direction, who ninja-ly dodged it and caught Severus' arm, all topped off with a huge smirk. Severus rolled his eyes again._

"_Right." Severus said slowly, "I'm kind of…cold, as it were." He looked around, the cold forest still as cold as before; colder even. He crossed his arms to his chest, "And I, unlike you, failed to remember to grab a cloak before coming down here."_

_Sirius smiled, "Why don't we head back in then?"_

_Severus smiled, and they headed back up towards the castle. Walking up the sloping lawns, Severus jumped as something was draped around his shoulders. "Honestly, Sev. I haven't seen you this jumpy since the Charms final last year."_

_Severus just smiled and shifted the Gryffindor's cloak higher onto his shoulders, clasping it so it wouldn't fall off. "You sure you don't need it?" He asked._

"_Nah, I'm fine." Sirius said, grinning. He slipped his hand into Severus', and Severus laced his fingers together with Sirius'. They both smiled._

Under your stars tonight,

We'll live and breathe this dream.

_Sirius opened the doors to the Great Hall and slipped inside, closing the doors after Severus followed him in. Sirius waited before continuing on, first checking the Marauder's Map in case someone was prowling. There were quite a few people out and about. Dumbledore was meandering down a hall on the second floor, Filch was in his office farther into the castle on their floor, and Madame Pomfrey was on the fifth floor. Other than that, they were okay. Sirius kept out the map, and the two had just started up the stairs towards the library when there came a loud meow from behind them._

"_Damn that cat…" Severus muttered as Mrs. Norris sat down at the bottom of the stairs and calmly began to wash a paw, her bright orange eyes fixed on the guilty students._

_Sirius quickly glanced at the map to see Filch hurrying towards them, at a fast pace. He erased the map, shoved it in his back pocket, and turned to Severus just as Filch's voice came from a hall to their right. He smiled apologetically at Severus. "Sorry mate."_

_Severus blinked, confused. Filch was coming, but why was Sirius apologizing for it? That was right before Sirius' fist connected with the side of Severus' jaw. The Slytherin, caught completely off guard, tumbled down the stairs, landing hard on the floor. Sirius leapt after him, laughing manically just as Filch came into view._

"_OI! Break it up!" Filch yowled as Sirius picked Severus up off the ground and punched him in the stomach, sending him back to the floor gasping for breath._

_Filch grabbed Sirius and glared daggers at Severus not to move an inch. "Oh…" He said slowly, finally realizing who they were, "You two again, eh? You trying to wake up the entire castle with your racket? Or are you just intent on having detention for the rest of your lives? Come on…" The caretaker took Sirius by the ear, who squealed and swore loudly, and grabbed Severus by the scruff of his robes and hauled him to his feet._

_In this most elegant manner, the three set off in the direction of McGonagall's rooms. As they walked, Severus threw Sirius a filthy look that plainly demanded: 'What the HELL did you do that for?'_

_Sirius glanced at Filch and then at McGonagall, who had just answered a recently knocked upon door. Severus growled and looked away from him, clearly not happy with his answer of: 'Later.'_

_McGonagall's mouth formed a very thin line the moment she saw Filch holding two of the most annoying students in the school. She looked on disapprovingly as Sirius shrugged and grinned at her, before assessing the damage done to Severus, whose jaw was already beginning to bruise._

"_Thank you very much Mr. Filch, I'll take it from here, I think." She smiled at him when she saw the dejected look on the caretaker's face. "Oh, don't worry. I'm sure someone will end up with detention, and you'll be the first to know."_

Close your eyes,

But don't dream too deep.

And please pass me some memories…

_Filch turned and left, leaving a grinning Sirius and a glaring Severus. "So, miss. Is it cleaning cauldrons or washing windows for me?" Asked Sirius, lacing his fingers behind his head, still grinning._

_McGonagall nodded to him, "Actually, Sirius, I'd like to know what's really going on."_

_Sirius blinked, "I'm afraid I don't follow, Professor." Severus too, had abandoned his glare and was now watching his Transfiguration Professor attentively and curiously._

_The older woman sighed. "Something's up with you two. You've hardly been bickering in my classes lately, and normally I have some warning before Filch reaches my door as you're usually bickering like an old married couple."_

_The simile made Severus duck his head down to hide his embarrassment, and made Sirius cough once. "Eh…" Said Sirius, for once at a loss for words, and more importantly, an excuse._

"_Actually, Professor, we made a deal a few weeks ago that he and his stupid friends would stop picking on me if I helped him to pass Potions, since he's a failure in that area. Well, most areas, but that one the most." Severus said suddenly, putting as much contempt into his voice as possible. "We were both heading to the showers when we met up by chance, and Black asked me about an ingredient in a potion. Wolfsbane to be exact. The idiot couldn't understand that it and Monkshood are the same exact plant, and when I told him to practice thinking a bit more, he lost it and hit me." Severus smirked and paused. "Anyways, we must have alerted Filch to our presence. You know the rest."_

_McGonagall nodded slowly, her face briefly showing a smile. "Very well, Severus. Thank you for being honest." She looked over her glasses at Sirius, and then turned to Severus. "You can leave, Mister Snape. Do you need to go to the hospital wing to have that looked at?" She continued, motioning towards his jaw. Severus shook his head. _

_Sirius' shoulders slumped and he looked down dejectedly at the floor. He couldn't even have detention with someone…Trust Severus to be able to talk himself out of trouble. Whatever. He deserved to have detention alone; after all, he'd suddenly punched Severus after spending the last half an hour kissing the boy. It was only fair that Severus be freed from the sentence of detention when he hadn't done anything…like normal._

_Severus didn't move after being excused. "If I may, miss. As much as I'd love for Black to be punished, there isn't much of a reason for him to be. I would have hit someone if they'd said that to me too. If you follow." Severus shrugged like he didn't care, and turned to walk down the hall. He disappeared around the bend in the corridor before McGonagall said anything._

_Sirius was looking forlornly at her, and the Professor sighed. "Severus appears to have a bit of a point, Sirius. I guess you're lucky this time. You'd better thank him later though, for changing my mind. Now go. to. bed." Sirius quickly thanked her very much and hurried off towards his dorms. He didn't dare follow Severus; the Slytherin had headed in the opposite direction of the Gryffindor dorms._

And when I fall,

You're underneath.

_As he rounded a corner on the third floor, he walked into and fell over someone who was leaning against the wall. Severus smirked down at him, offering him a hand up, "I was hoping she'd let you off."_

_Sirius took the proffered hand and pulled himself up. "Hey, I'm sorry about that…" He lightly touched the other's cheek, which was turning from an angry red to a bright purple slowly._

_The scrawnier boy smiled softly, "It's fine. Really. Don't worry about it." Sirius started to protest, to say that it wasn't fine, but Severus silenced him with a look. "Do you want me to be mad at you or something?"_

_Sirius grinned, "I guess not." Severus smiled again, and then stifled a yawn. Sirius slipped his arms underneath Severus' and hugged him around the middle, "Someone's tired." He said quietly, poking Severus on the nose._

_Severus shook his head, "I am not." He stared defiantly at Sirius, who raised an eyebrow and smirked as if to say 'Are you sure?'. Severus yawned again; he couldn't help it. Sirius raised his other eyebrow to join the first. Severus laughed, "Okay, I'm tired."_

"_Then," Sirius said, leaning in so their foreheads were touching, "I will see you tomorrow."_

_Severus smiled, and gave Sirius a small chaste kiss, who returned it. Sirius left Severus at the stairs, he going up and the other down._

A thousand broken hearts,

Carried by a thousand broken wings.

_Sirius got to his common room and collapsed into a chair next to the fire. Remus was sitting across from Sirius and curled up in an armchair reading a book. He smiled tiredly as his Animagus friend fell down into the cushions. "Nice to see you around, Siri."_

_Sirius smiled and stretched, "Yeah. I'm so sorry I haven't been hanging out with you guys as much as I should." He cast guilty eyes down to the floor. "Can you guys forgive me?"_

_Remus smiled, "It's okay. With me at least. I'm sure James can find it in his heart to forgive his best friend, and you know, Pete just goes along with whatever."_

_The other Gryffindor nodded, relieved. "Speaking of, where are they?"_

_Remus turned a page in his book and scanned the page before answering. "They turned in early, for once." He looked over at Sirius again, and frowned. "You look awful. Like you haven't slept in weeks…" He smirked, noting the boy's day-dreamy smile and frazzled hair. "…and it looks like you've been busy with someone too." It wasn't new or anything; Sirius came in 3 days out of 7 looking like he'd been mauled (which was close to the truth most of the time)._

"_You could say that…" laughed Sirius. Confused, Remus blinked and stared at Sirius. Sirius smiled over at him. "You take my…ah…homosexual tendencies better than the others…"_

_Remus grinned; he'd gone out with his share of guys as well, but it was a phase he'd grown out of. "Ah, so it's a boy is it? Do tell."_

_Sirius' smile faded. "I…can't…" At Remus' expression, he quickly continued. "I'm just not so sure it's a good idea right now to flaunt his name around, you know? He's kinda green as grass when it comes to any kind of relationship…and…yeah…"_

_Remus smiled and nodded. "Oh, it's all good. Just don't forget to tell me eventually, yeah?" Sirius nodded as he headed past Remus to go upstairs and sleep. "And Sirius?"_

"_Yeah?" Sirius asked, turning around._

"_I need the map tomorrow; I promised Pete I'd show him how to find the Room of Requirement…Don't want to get caught by the professors." Remus smirked with Sirius and deftly caught the map tossed to him. "'Night, Paddy."_

"'_Night, Moony."_

A thousand broken wings…

_It wasn't until Severus was undressing that night that he realized he was still wearing Sirius' cloak. Complete with the Gryffindor coat of arms embroidered onto the front. He winced, angry at himself for being so careless. At least everyone had been asleep by the time he got in. He rolled the cloak up into a bundle, making sure to hide the emblem on the front, and set it near his bedside table._

_Then he collapsed into bed and slept._

_What a thing to get as a Christmas present…and not even a bit of mistletoe around to be to blame.

* * *

_Hope I did it okay...Review please and tell me how I did!! Thanks! And I haven't forgotten the song suggestion (I WILL use it!!) from one of my dear readers::Hugs you all:: You guys make my day. SERIOUSLY. I love ya. 


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